By Virginia McClaughry

Note: If you like this subject, you may want to check out my newer post from July 2015 entitled: The Ultimate Weapon Against Psychological Warfare Tactics of Slavemasters and Sociopaths – This Will Surprise You as well as my other post entitled: Portrait of a Sociopath.

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ABUSE unjust hostile attitude and destructive acts against a person who does not deserve it

SOCIOPATH –  a pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the welfare of others – abusive to others, whom the sociopath has falsely identified as deserving the abuse. Often exhibits lack of morals, drug abuse, criminality, artful lying, sexual misconduct and no remorse.

PSYCHOPATH – same idea as sociopath

– – – – –

The Aim of Psychological Warfare is:

~ To undermine the enemies will and capacity to resist.. ~

That direct quote came from a declassified CIA document, and it delineates a list of psychological states (which in layman’s terms means how you FEEL) that need to be brought about in order to bring about that goal.

Put another way, the goal is for you to give up your right to fight back.

Propaganda is the “what” used to try and accomplish this. But, what is propaganda really?

To paraphrase one of the experts in this field (a British man, of course) basically Propaganda is:

the formulation of a desired opinion or set of opinions in the target’s mind by the deliberate use of any or all the vehicles of expression by which the person can be reached

This same British expert gives us a rather key thing for you to know – a weakness to propaganda.

What that is might surprise you.

It is that propaganda is only effective against an enemy who is tiring, and who is already doubting themselves.

That is very, very, important because it tells you that no-one has the power to change your views but you.

You can also see at once, what the person who has falsely designated you as their “enemy” will spend most of their time trying to do.

  1. Cause you to falsely DOUBT yourself – in any way possible.
  2. Cause you to TIRE – usually by manufactured stress of one kind or another.

Only then can propaganda have any chance of “working”.

Both of the above points are part-and-parcel of the first thing you run into on this subject, which actually isn’t given the importance it should be, is what I call mirroring.

What this is, is simply that whenever you (or someone who likes and supports you) tears up an abuser for something that he or she has done, the abuser turns it around. For example, let’s say the abuser was told that you don’t want to talk to him if all he is going to say is a bunch of lies trying to hurt someone. The key here, is that they ARE lies.

This abuser will arrange a situation, EXACTLY IN REVERSE, where hopefully from his perspective, he can get someone to do this to you, or just do it himself directly.

The preference is to get others to do it to you, especially friends and family.

The reason for this, is not only to try and drive YOU crazy, but more importantly to cause a “frozen” effect in others. The abuser knows that YOU will fight back, that’s his problem with you. He can’t break you directly, you’re too strong for him and he usually is the one that ends up running away with his tail between his legs after any kind of direct confrontation.

As I said, he will also repeatedly try to create this same “frozen” effect in you directly.

Here is a real-life example of someone conducting a mirroring campaign towards their direct target.

 

It’s amazing to me that you think you are so persecuted, that so many people are out to get you, when in reality every form of abuse you listed here I had to endure living with you. The pot calling the kettle black to the extreme. Thank god I finally had the strength to stand up to your abuse.

It’s really sad what you’ve become. No responsibility on your part either. Such a victim. Only ever talking about what has been done to you. I suppose I’d need to concoct some fantastic story to continue to live in such denial as well. Hoping you open your eyes some day, but physically it’s not possible, you would have a psychotic break if you suddenly saw reality.

I’m sick and bored and randomly typed your name in. I haven’t searched your name in years and I don’t plan to again as it just makes me sick seeing how you think. I didn’t even finish reading what you wrote. I just wanted to make that clear as I know you’re egotistical narcissistic self would blow this way out of proportions. You are so desperate to have “enemies” and “people after you”, what if your worst fear was true and you really have minimal impact and are not very important at all?

In reality the only person you should be concerned with is yourself. All the broken connections and alienated people was because of you. Not some conspiracy, just you. You can’t though because you are trapped in the mindset that there is nothing wrong with you.. there’s something wrong with everyone else. You literally can’t even imagine there being something wrong with you, it would break you. That’s why you get so angry, you are protecting yourself, it’s human nature. I forgive you, but I don’t support your behavior.

Imagine that it’s you getting something like this, adding in the fact that you know that it is so completely reversed that it’s quite literally like something out of Alice-in-Wonderland.

Insane.

Somebody in this scenario is off-the-deep-end, that’s for sure.

In this case the perpetrator is, so in order to attack you they have to reverse the truth. Mirror it. Switch the roles of abuser/abused.

Let’s examine the role of propaganda in this.

There are several stand-out statements in the above that well illustrate the propaganda, the opinion, that the person wants their target to have.

…you really have minimal impact and are not very important at all

Ok, so what’s the propaganda, the opinion the target of this is supposed to change to having about themselves?

That they are not important and create no impact in what they do.

Therefore….what’s the unsaid (but pointed to) decision that is wanted here.

 

STOP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

 

But wait now, if the target is so unimportant and no one is listening, than why would it even matter what they are doing?

PONDERING GUY 3

 

It wouldn’t. The person is lying – in fact you could probably simply reverse what they said and you’d have something more approaching the real beef here.

Critical thinking often doesn’t emphasize (as it’s understood by some) the role of the not said, the not done, the not presented.

This is very important to a proper analysis of anything, including someone that is mirroring you.

Does this person back this accusation/supposed truth up with anything?

No.

Does this person offer any statistics of any kind to show, hey look, no-one is interested?

No.

 

Does this person offer any valid information, or helpful facts to support their position?

No.

 

Take a look at this one now.

…every form of abuse you listed here I had to endure living with you.

…Hoping you open your eyes some day, but physically it’s not possible, you would have a psychotic break if you suddenly saw reality.

Same deal. What’s the propaganda, the opinion the target of this is supposed to change to having about themselves?

They are supposed to decide that their eyes are closed, they are not seeing reality correctly, and they need to open their eyes so that they can see how terribly wrong and abusive they are.

Again, in doing what, exactly.

Juxtaposed against the previous characterization of “unimportant” and “minimum impact” ” we’re left with an interesting contradiction. Which is it? The person is up to nefarious deeds ruining people’s lives, or they are unimportant and having minimum impact –

ponder

That’s a no/no in propaganda, by the way. Contradictions like that tend to start making most people look closer at what’s really going on.

Let’s do that then.

Does the person name these abusive and wrong things using any documentable facts?

No.

 

Does the person offer any suggestions with specific items that need to be corrected?

No.

 

A sane person, would have provided the specifics if they truly were on the up-and-up. Even if angry, a sane person will still come back later and do exactly that in the interest of actually resolving the situation.

This mirroring person has no truck with truth, and they will either do one of two things when confronted (usually). Start yelling more insults at you, or offer specifics that are just MORE mirroring!

More lies, in other words, that they cannot back up.

Sometimes, if a person is really super-twisted in this way, they’ll bring in other liars in order to try and gang up on you. Imagine that – multiple sociopaths!

Of course, the very fact that these sort of things are opinions that are so sought for the target to have, the word itself is a very accurate word choice, and it’s meaning also contains your salvation.

You see, truth is not an opinion, so if the person wants you to have an opinion about yourself, then they want you to LIE!

Simple solution?

Don’t.

 

Also remember, propaganda has no chance of working at all (this is well known) unless you come to doubt yourself.

Simple solution?

Don’t.

 

It’s far more powerful for you to stay true to yourself, than anything else you could possibly do. It is the liar who should doubt himself – you see why?

There are those that actually specialize in quite literally, the engineering of doubt on others.

And now you know why!

 

So that their propaganda, their opinions they want you to change yourself to having, can now have any chance at all of “working”.

This is the exact same reason a person will use mirroring against you with other people. They want to create in front of the other person – that complete opposite of what you have said about them, towards you, so that hopefully the other person watching will doubt YOU, and then…the propaganda, the opinion the mirroring abuser wants others to have about you, has a chance of working.

Incredibly complex, but simple at the same time. You say, and you are telling actual truth here, that the person did x. They, in front of you, or behind your back, same thing, tell another person that you did x to them.

So..they are supposed to doubt you now – get it?

What a mess these people make.

spaghetti face

Another important thing that you need to understand about this tactic, the way it can make you feel –

wiley-wtf

The surreal feeling, in this case, is simply because what the abuser is saying is a made up reality. An intentionally made up reality.

The key is that it is intentional, it is a concocted reversal of the truth – astonishingly so.

So astonishingly false – that if you’re not familiar with this kind of tactic you’ll probably drop your jaw at it.

Its who on the phone - shock

The superior, or most sought after goal of this tactic is to try and get the target to doubt himself, to turn inwards and attack himself as “bad”.

Failing that? The only remaining option is to try and get the target perceived by others as the “bad guy”, in order to (hopefully) deny him support and love and friendship.

For those of us who have experienced this kind of thing, this is all too familiar. For those who haven’t, now you know what it looks like.

burning question

WHY?

 

It doesn’t matter whether this is a result of a black intelligence campaign (such as what British Intelligence has a long history of, as does the Church of Scientology) or whether it’s from an out-on-the-farm lone wolf sociopath.

The answer is the same.

Why this sick, twisted person would do this, is right out of the Psychological Warfare outline that I linked to above.

Besides simply trying to run down your mental state to suit their own nasty purposes, this person wants to make you lose support IF YOU FIGHT BACK AGAINST THEIR ABUSE.

The reason they are mirroring you is because they expect you to fight back, they are trying to make you feel trapped by your own right action against them.

Note: in intelligence actions of this nature, such as the use of sock-puppets on the internet and so on, sometimes they are actually trying to provoke an attack of them intentionally.

Reasons for this are, but are not limited to:

  • trying to score so that they can have a feeling of “succeeding” in getting to you – which means they are obviously de-moralized by your actions in some way and are failing badly in general; or
  • trying to distract you off of something that you are doing that is very damaging to their agenda, by “attacking” so that you will “handle the attack”.

These are also still trying to bring about that feeling, and the point of that feeling is to get you to freeze about fighting back into a “can’t do anything about it.” A damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario.

Here’s the key to this.

~ To undermine the enemies will and capacity to resist.. ~

Get that?

The goal is to get you to stop fighting back, so in mirroring it is simply to get you to hate that you are fighting back. To start hating YOURSELF.

To look like this –

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Want to know the real reason the abuser does this nasty mirroring technique?

Because when you fight back, and stay true to yourself against an abuser, that “frozen” if-I-fight back-I’ll-just-get-attacked-again feeling is what the abuser feels the whole time he cannot break you.

And will continue to feel as long as he cannot break your will to fight against him.

NEVER FORGET THAT.

In the abuser’s case, he should feel that, and if he can’t get away from it he will have to stop.

You can actually see that in the above example I gave you. See how the person, without saying it directly, is obviously very, very, frustrated towards their target? It’s especially visible in this statement:

You literally can’t even imagine there being something wrong with you, it would break you.

See?

This real-life perpetrator is trying to explain why they can’t break their target!

Because that person is obviously not “imagining” things the way the abuser wants them to.

 

It shows that all the power is in your hands – not theirs.

 

And they know it – see that?

If there truly was something wrong with you, shouldn’t the person be able to prove that to you? Why would you need to imagine there is something wrong with you – see my point?

Because there isn’t something wrong with you, but the person wants you to start imagining that there is and therefore…you’ll…what’s that again?

STOP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

 

But that’s why people like this do the mirroring thing, they want you to feel and live like they do. Where nothing is based on actual truth, it’s all just imagined.

What a way to live.

“Quiet. I’m imagining what is real.”

Annex - Price, Vincent (Bat, The)_01

 

That is THEIR PROBLEM.

Don’t make it yours.

 

 

Do not make things “comfortable” for an active abuser – no matter what.

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Bobby Jameson talks about what happened to him at Camarillo State Hospital. He talks about how the psychiatric staff tried to put him in a situation where he couldn’t fight back (because they drugged him up so much) but yet he had to fight back and answer the “sanity” questions correctly or they will keep him there. He knows just how horrific this feels, and I still utterly admire the brilliant way that he fought back and got out of there.

I have been subjected to continuous Psychological Warfare tactics by multiple people as part of a campaign. Besides actions taken towards me directly, the campaign targeted all our children, family members, friends, all the way down to any possible “glimmer” in anyone liking me and what I do,  for the last 14 years. After beginning to expose the Church of Scientology, and it’s horrific activities and connections – the campaign began. I have been blacklisted, physically tortured, attempted murder, gas-lighted, betrayed, lied about all over the internet, followed, surveilled, and harassed. I have had my furniture re-arranged, my 3000 gallon water tank drained repeatedly, my toilet knocked off it’s pins, my dog attacked with military grade pepper spray, two dogs killed with rat poison, freak credit card incidents, the list goes on and on and on and ON.

I have fought back, and one by one my abusers have fell back because they broke and not me, and they had to be replaced with new abusers. I think the burn-out rate in such a sick line of work is fantasticly high (unless maybe you’re a Sociopath, then you might last a little longer).

One example of mirroring, is the situation where let’s say that you are successfully refusing to submit to an abuser. In retaliation the abuser goes around to your friends and family claiming that YOU are an abusive person to HIM . The abuser does this to try and have you be punished or shunned and degraded in the eyes of your family and friends. Let’s say that you have previously told your friends and family about the abuse you have experienced. So, when the abuser comes around (which they always will) and starts telling the person his sad story of “abuse” by you – if your friend or family member sees them for what they are, refuses to feel sorry for them and speaks up to the abuser that they are abusive to you? The abuser will accuse them of being puppets to your will!

Here is a real life example of that.

Note:
These have been edited to remove personal identifying information, marked by xxx’s.
The real target, who the Abuser is trying to get this person to turn against, is marked by capital XXX.

 

It starts out with the person taking the abuser to task for always talking some nastiness about the real target behind their back.

Person:

I’m just saying I dislike who you’re associating with mainly because you are hanging out with everyone who means XXX harm and dislikes them. I am kind of tired of all the XXX is so horrible talk and so is xxx so if you want to talk to me talk to me and don’t ask me weird ass questions.

Watch the abuser try to cause that condition of doubt that is needed for his propaganda to work, by trying to tell lies about his real target.

 

The Abuser:

Yeah, I think XXX is crazy, it’s no secret. Clearly XXX has infected you with it as well. Nobody down here cares about XXX at all. They …want nothing to do with XXX.

See the first glimmerings of that accusation I was telling you about earlier? If your friend or family member sees them for what they are, refuses to feel sorry for them and speaks up to the abuser that they are abusive to you? The abuser will accuse them of being puppets to your will.

You can see this where the abuser says –

…has infected you with it as well

 

The person sees how strange this is, considering the abuser’s relationship to the target, and calls them on it.

Person:

Yet you’re xxxx [relationship to abuser’s real target] so that’s odd and contradicting.

The Abuser then goes overboard trying to convince the person that the real target is “insane”.

The Abuser:

…with XXX still clearly quite insane like literally insane – I talked to a bum on the street who was crazy paranoid and he sounded exactly like XXX.

 

The Person really comes down on them for this, as it’s clearly way out of line.

Plus, they brilliantly catch what’s wrong with this picture…ie: this:

Nobody down here cares about XXX at all. They …want nothing to do with XXX.

juxtaposed with all this hate and insults and endlessly yapping about XXX – clearly shows something is rotten in River City, so to speak.

This is just brilliantly done. Take a look.

Person:

Every time you talk to me, or xxx, or xxx SOMETHING comes out about XXX so how about you just keep it to yourself because honestly I know at least xxx and I are over it so if you really want people to BELIEVE you when you say you want nothing to do with XXX then STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

If XXX is truly so “unimportant” and “no one cares” then one would expect no interest at all in what the person does. Not endlessly harping on about the person at the least opportunity.

Watch the Abuser go into a melt-down (I told you they do this when they get challenged).

 

The Abuser:

Ok fine….excuse me for bringing up XXX …if you can’t handle the tiny amount of times I mention something about XXX then just don’t talk to me. XXX is making themselves an issue when they really aren’t at all and has you believing it too …I can’t believe you let XXX influence you like that. it’s all just so crazy and unbelievable. I want nothing to do with that “world”.

 

Wow.

 

oh_my_god_-_vincent

 

Notice how upset the abuser is that he couldn’t bring the person into doubt, couldn’t get them to accept his propaganda.

He resorts to a mirroring tactic and accuses the person of being “influenced” by the abuser’s target because they won’t accept the abuser’s lies!

The Abuser had no idea the target would get shown this conversation later on down the road, and that it would backfire even more when it was shown to other people who had similar experiences with this abuser.

This shows you the power of exposure – a very powerful weapon against propaganda. If the abuser knew that everything they did, everything they said to others behind-the-scenes, would be given to their targets…it would be extremely unattractive to them to try anything at all.

This is why it’s so important for anyone out there to be a lot more responsible about what you choose to believe as true – if you don’t you could be helping to try and destroy someone’s life.

And that leads me to my next point.

Imagine that this person had chosen to doubt what they knew was true, and then chose to believe the abuser and his lies. Now they would treat you like you are trying to “manipulate” them whenever you tell them the truth of what the abuser has done!

That person really IS a puppet at that point.

A puppet dancing to the tune of the abuser – and you know what that tune is. Punish YOU!

That is mirroring.

The sociopath wants to hold a lot of sway with people, but with the result of them as puppets.

If you hold a lot of real sway with others, the Sociopath abuser will mirror and say others are your puppets because you hold sway with them.

But see the subtle, but powerful difference between the two? It’s not a true mirror, in the sense that when you look in the mirror, that reflection is of your body, not someone else’s. What is a true mirror? When you look in a mirror, the image that you see in the mirror is exactly REVERSED and staring back at you. That is exactly what the abuser is trying to achieve. Only it is false. That image is really of HIM, and his ugliness. He is trying to have others see you as he is, but what he really wants – what he really NEEDS – is for you to see yourself that way and then you can change out of your bad, resistive ways into what he wants you to be and thank him for doing this to you!

This is very very sadistic evil behavior and most people only know of such things from the realm of nightmares and stories of Boogeymen. Unbelievable to walk in the light of day, some might say – but for those of us who have experienced it, it is a REALITY. It is no dream from which we only need wake up – it is real.

Scientology considers mirroring, (they don’t call it that) the ultimate in driving someone crazy.

Professor Wundt (from the 1800’s, teacher of Emil Kraepelin) originally described a phenomena physically where a person has two completely conflicting physical commands and how it would act like a “valve” under tremendous pressure quickly driving the person into an intense emotional and mental state.

INSANITY, it was called.

This is important, because this is exactly how it is done, and is what I mean by the title of this post – the more modern form (but still just as brutal) is considered an “art”. It’s now called Psychological Warfare.

Severely abusive experiments were conducted by various people along those lines to “test” the “theory”.

A person’s hand is forcibly put into a flame, but if he withdraws it from the flame without permission, then he is instantly beaten with boards and sticks by 2 or more people.

For those of you out there who have had to deal with a Sociopathic abuser, you know exactly how that feels, don’t you.

If you tell someone the insane things that go on, you might lose that person’s friendship or support. If you don’t tell someone, you have to keep being abused!

Caught between the FIRE and the STICKS.

Pain either way –

In Scientology, this phenomena of “pain either way” is described like this:

must reach-can’t reach at the same time as must withdraw-can’t withdraw.

See how that is straight out of Wundtian Psychology?

Mirroring, is one of their most powerfully oppressive tactics there is, but only because you will feel those two warring “avoid pain” ideas.

The secret is to recognize it when you feel it happening, Face the pain. Don’t let it be your guide in this circumstance.

You might be surprised how that changes the dynamics of the situation almost instantly.

Where there is a will there is a way.

That’s why the Aim of Psychological warfare is to undermine your will to resist.

Don’t let it and you will find a way to fight back and defeat your abuser.

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I came across a magnificent blog post on the power of fighting back By Kathy Krajco which I am going to reproduce here almost entirely.

But first, I want to highlight my favorite part. It’s just so spectacular in it’s shot-to-the-heart of things.

Here’s the post:

Why do you suppose that, until not so long ago, a convicted criminal in Europe had to approach his executioner, fall upon his knees before his executioner, and pay the executioner to torture him to death?

What sick mind dreamed up that idea?

If you research the topic, you will find a hundred details of execution rituals that drum on the same theme: in all, the victim (as he was called) was constrained by every means possible to OFFER HIMSELF UP (or to seem to be offering himself) to abuse. Why? Why did one have to kneel down before the executioner and lay his head on the chopping block in even the least cruel form of execution?

….

So, for the sake of the victim’s mental health, you must NEVER deny him or her the right to put up a fight.

Denying a person under any kind of assault this right is what theologians call the sin of “extreme perversity,” otherwise known as the Sin of Sodom, which a certain kind of rape – RAPE, not sex – is symbolic.

It violates the laws of nature and the innate instinct for self-preservation. If the victim knuckles under to psuedo-moralistic pressure to not lift hand or voice in self defense, he or she will hate themselves and become a suicide risk. That is forcing people to commit the worst breech of faith there is – with one’s very self. It’s self-betrayal, what Joan of Arc called the “most wretched treason.”

The victim NEEDS to know that he or she did what they could to resist their abuser! Don’t EVER try to stop the victim from doing that!

Never, never, never preach prime-time morality at the victim making it a sin for him or her to yell right back at the abuser. Though yelling back may not be wise in all cases, it IS the victim’s right. It at least lets him or her preserve self-respect through showing a backbone.

The same with any use of force. It is not a sin. It may not be wise in some cases, but it IS the victim’s right. Only very recently has the word violence been used to describe the use of force in self defense. It isn’t rightly (or legally) “violence” because it doesn’t violate anything.

The same with resistance through divorcing the poor, little, sad and lonely narcissist, through abandoning the abuser, or through running away from home or skipping school. The victim has the right to self-preservation and the pursuit of happiness. Always.

If you really want to help, suggest better, more effective ways to resist. But don’t ever just sit there and say, “Don’t do this” and “Don’t do that”. Buzz off if that’s all you have to say.

In fact, by making it evil for the victim to fight back or escape in any conceivable way, the holier-than-thous clamp the valves shut on a pressure cooker. Sooner or later something’s gotta give. The victim WILL eventually snap. Then you have a suicide or homicide as a result. And the holier-than-thou bystanders who had persecuted the victim into docile submission with their immoral moralizing share a large part of the blame.

You can tell that the holier-than-thous are insincere. Pay attention to how much wind they spend on criticizing the abuser compared to how much wind they spend on criticizing the victim. You’ll find the ratio is about 99:1.

They preface their remarks with something like, “Well there’s is no excuse for what he did but…” and off they go on a faultfinding expedition.

When they’re done, add up all the fault found. Who was found in? All fault found in the victim for fighting back. Not one word about what the abuser did.

They should be examining their own consciences, not the victim’s, because what they are doing is very wrong and very, very damaging to an already abused victim. And they are serving the abuser, helping him to abuse and get away with it.

If you are being mirrored, you know what it feels like. Don’t worry, you are not insane.

Don’t breach faith with yourself.

and you’ll come out on top.

To anyone out there who is having this done to them?

Hang in there –  I care about you and so do many others.

One more thing – I don’t hate Sociopaths, I am probably one of the few people that can deal with them because I’m not afraid of them and because I know for a fact that they can change. I’ve been with one or two (or dozens) when they do it. It’s only one decision away at any given moment. But it takes a powerful strength of self on your part and some pretty intense fighting against their crap and this is key – DO NOT HATE THEM but by all means hate with a passion, with all the fires of hell, what they do.

Light those fires – turn up the heat – turn up the life – turn up the PASSION.

LIVE!

Join the conversation! 24 Comments

  1. Wonderful article on Psychological Warfare (Mirroring) Would like more information on this subject!

    Reply
    • Thanks so much for your kind words! I’ll see what I can do 😉 Virginia

      Reply
    • I’m so glad I found this article. It taught me a lot. ….[rest of comment edited by Mike McClaughry, blog owner]

      Christina, I edited out all the details you were giving here because I wasn’t certain if you meant this comment to be just to Virginia privately.

      I’m glad to hear that my wife’s article has helped you in some way though – you hang in there, ok? Keep your chin up.

      Mike

      Reply
  2. [Comment edited]

    I am a victim of a person with Sociopathic traits I met on a roleplaying website.

    …It has been rough months for me going from “the center of the universe” to nothing less than an used tissue to this person. I wanted to share my story because this article resonated with me and what I’ve been through. Thanks for sharing your story.

    – From Virginia:

    First, I want you to know that I read your whole comment and I want to thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m glad to hear that you have identified a person who is currently wearing the Sociopath mask, and have separated for yourself this person’s “good mask” from covering his Sociopath mask.

    I heavily edited your post for two reasons: 1) I do not agree with most of the characteristics assigned to Sociopaths (that you were including from other sources) mostly because they could sound like anyone, depending on from whose perspective it is. Hell, I’m probably described like that by others who are not pleased with not being able to behavior-modify me. 2) I also do not believe in using a system to judge someone or label them as 100 percent anything – because that is pretty much never the full truth. To deal with someone currently living as ‘evil’ a persons best defense is the full truth, and that includes about themselves.

    For example, if I ended up in a position of being betrayed by someone like you describe, pretty much the first thing I am going to look at is WHY did I allow it which would lead to the second thing and that is – I KNEW.

    We don’t usually “accidentally” end up in such positions, we know it going in. What I am doing is putting myself back into the driver’s seat of my life, instead of back seat to a sociopath.

    Please make no mistake, this IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, relieves the other person from their action in betraying your trust. These are two very different things, one is your action, the other is fully the other person’s.

    Where, I think, any person gets into trouble is when they deny what they know, which in this case would be that they know what someone else is currently being like. Because when this happens, you could say that the person doing this kind of denying isn’t much different than what the “sociopath” is doing!

    If I were to make an iron-clad rule for such things (and I don’t usually make iron-clad rules) I would tentatively say that would have to be: don’t deny what you know.

    And… do NOT beat yourself up about it after the fact, because in times of such self-degradation…you are practically doing the sociopath’s work for him and who wants to do that. I know I don’t.

    Hope this helps, and you hang in there, ok?

    Reply
  3. My husband paid for some one the abuse me for 5ys… Because he tried to get me to sign over the house to him – and got caught… Ever since he has made my life hell – but in order not to lose my mind – I block it all out – and live with the abuse – to wake up to someone cutting u up with a pin… Or putting salt in the sugar or putting sand in my car… Is hard to believe… I been rape… Kick in my sleep… Reading this artical gives me the power to go on coz – we were together from 17 married – after 26 yrs he had an afair – he married the women to stay in the uk- when I found out to shut me up – so he did. Of go to jail they started the abuse nothing the police can do: this has been going on for 7 yrs… It’s easy to switch of… He now live abroad but – bug my home for £60: so he knows everything I do… All they have to do is ring the bug listen to my movements and break in when I not home- move shoes cut my clothes by pull down hem no new items – growing away my food- hammering my wall making leak – break cups plates – this is weekly… All I do is buy and replace every week…. As there is nothing I can do…

    Reply
    • I’m sorry to hear of this abuse that you are being subjected to, and if I have helped you in any way to stand up to it – I am thankful for that. You hang in there, ok?

      Virginia

      Reply
    • your story very similar to mine… if i say anything i sound crazy

      Reply
      • It not crazy write everything down take pictures… Church helps me … Drama class / painting finding something to do – the mind is like a Sponge we absorb new energy – educate your mind finding things to do you take your mind away from people who don’t like you all are trying to hurt you… Find new friends move away from old friends. I learnt to play the drums… I went back to school go my degree – meditation…the key is to change it life – if you feel someone is abusing you – that is not love -its habit or a need because your used to that person u have a home together – it’s very easy to walk away…

        If Your parents or siblings did not abuse you as a child – why would u allow a man or women…

        The key is to love yourself… As you come first…you are the soul…

        it is only your name on the head stone…. Ask your self do u want to sit in pain or walk away and live life like a queen… Wear nice clothes eat nice food and travel on holiday and smile because it mind is free to doesn’t you want… Like when u was 15… The world is yours… Live it…

  4. Really great article, thank you! Perfect pacing and guided me exactly through what I was feeling. You are a genius!

    Reply
  5. This article is so Amazing. Seriously, I have done it all I have spoke out I have retreated I have believed things about myself that simply weren’t true. It hasn’t been until late that I have begun to see the lies for what they are but I still felt as if not speaking out were the right thing to do. However, that only allowed my abusers (they have already gotten to friends/family) to keep going. One day I said to myself if all of these things were true and my words meant nothing why wouldn’t they let it go. I realize why they havent and I am going to speak on the truth no matter what. Thank you so much for this You are an inspiration! Please continue educating people!

    Reply
  6. This is an awesome read. Thank you.

    Reply
  7. I am so glad I ran upon this page! I have been a victim of psychological warfare for 5 years. This gave me back my hope!

    Reply
  8. I wish I had seen this when it was written. My ex wife has pursued a mirroring strategy against me to great effect, and partly successfully helped to alienate my kids from me. This helps a lot. thank you!

    Reply
  9. Thank you!!!

    Reply
  10. This is exactly what’s happening to me. Please help before I end it all.

    Reply
    • I don’t know you, I don’t know your life, and I understand that it is your life, but may I say that taking yourself away because some bully is being an asshole just rewards whoever it is and makes them think they can get away with it.

      You are important.

      You are one of us.

      Stay strong, as long as you are still here they haven’t won. Make them know that by staying around. We need people around who can “see” them for what they are.

      If you don’t have anyone to talk to where you live, there are hotlines you can call, any phone operator should be able to connect you.

      Reply
  11. Replying to AH..
    I also don’t know who you are….but I needed to say…
    The fact you are on this page means that you have found out what is going on around you and you will see by the comments below that you are not alone…it is very hard – to undetstand why any one would or could hurt anyone – and try to understand the past or how could someone you once loved be so deseatful – & why me…
    I feel down every day, even today, I find talking to someone or by joining groups where you are not alone, even if it’s cake making… try to keep your busy….or wirte down your days…
    It takes you mind of the pain….our minds are like little computes and when the happy file dose not work we have to learn to reset it, the same way we did as a child or teenager…when we had to deal with other children at school..
    This page helped me alot – I could see their were other people out there in the world who was feeling the same way I was…the pain never gose away like a a mild tooth ache – Just Take one day at a time….

    If you don’t have anyone to talk to where you live, there are hotlines you can call, some are 24/7 call the phone operator they should be able to connect you, or check the Web…

    Reply
  12. OMG!!! U just saved my life…or sanity! I’ve been fighting this psychological warfare for the past 4 years…ever since the moment I left my ex and his narcissistic mother, when I was 3 months pregnant with his son! Now my son is nearly 3.5 and him and his mother (the witch) have primary custody of him! 😦 I’m grateful that i still get my son every week but these ppl have manipulated the courts, lawyers, judges, juvenile services, domestic relations, children and youth services, police, magistrates, friends, enemies, family, employers, and continue to fight the battle against me and my character and reputation! I lack the finances to get and keep a good lawyer to fight all the false allegations! Sometimes I feel like it’s me against the world! It’s gotten so out of control that most ppl don’t believe me when I’ve tried explaining. They’re still trying to convince me and my boyfriend that I’M CRAZY for even suggesting the things i’ve witnessed! I need support from ppl that understand! I’ve tried writing about it in blogs, private groups, GoFundMe accounts, and I’ve even contacted Dr Phil, earlier in this situation! I’m still in the midst of their power but I HAVE NEVER DOUBTED MYSELF my faith, or my sanity! …but they’re gung ho on forcing me to! Please help!…Even if it’s words of encouragement from someone that truly understands!

    Reply
    • Hi Tiffany, It can be particularly horrific when mirroring is going on and there are children involved. I personally think that’s probably the worst possible situation. The fact that you have hung in there anyway and not caved in on yourself is truly amazing, NEVER underestimate that. I wish I could offer you a simple quick solution, but you and I both known, having lived through it, that isn’t realistic. When you’re up against a mirroring individual you need to be in it for the “long” game, especially with children involved. I would say focus on your relationship with your son, strengthen the bond that is already there, and enjoy him whenever you can. He won’t always be their “plaything” that they can hold you hostage with. The “long” game is until he’s an adult, and then they can’t stop him or order him using legal browbeating. He will be free to do what he wants with you. I don’t think they’ll stop trying anyway, but it’s a whole different ball game with an adult. You can talk to him then, and they can’t hit you with “child emotional abuse” and all the other bullshit I’m sure they try to strait-jacket you with. Your stronger than them, and while they may look to hold all the cards now, you hold the winning hand and it scares them. They know he won’t always be a child too, so usually their nasty hope is that they can destroy you before that happens. DON”T LET THEM. Focus on being happy with your son when and where you can. Focus on getting YOU happy and strong, any way you can – barring alcohol and drugs, because those would suit them because they weaken your inner strength. You can do this, because I did. I’m not better than you, nor are they. I’m only “better than” someone who gives in, but we both know that’s our choice, not theirs. Let’s be the “better than”. 🙂 With the best of wishes for your success – Virginia

      Reply
  13. This is an awesome article. it opened my eyes wider than I thought possible. Your doing a very good job. Keep up the good work.

    Reply
  14. Thank you so much for the insight that your article has provided for me. I have been in a physical, spiritually and emotionally abusive marriage for the last 3+ years. I am at my breaking point…I had no idea about “mirroring” and how it is a deliberately mean skill to use against someone. I’m trying to leave, but I also fear that he will always want me to feel and suffer his wrath as punishment. Your article really helped me to understand deeper, what is going on. Thanks.

    Reply

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